Diary of a Fat Girl - Episode 10: I Lied About What This Would Be Called

Hey all.  Last time I said that Episode 10 would be a progress post called "Ambuh, you lookin' skinnier erry time I see you!" (which is something a student of mine said to me recently, beeteedubs).  So that, it turns out, was a lie.  I didn't expect that I would have the time, energy, and desire to post again for another week, which is when it will make sense to make a progress post (a year out from an important weigh-in).  So...sorry, I guess?  I didn't think I would be so prolific.  I'll knock it off.

This morning I was late for work.  I was also late for work the day before.  And I will tell you why.  My pants don't fit.  I have at least three dozen pairs of pants ranging from slacks to jeans and they don't fit.  The pairs that used to fit right in the hips and thighs are now so loose in the waist that I can't even belt them properly.  The ones that were already a little loose are total lost causes.  The ones that were good in the waist and too tight in the thighs are either almost good, or too loose in the waist and still not great in the thighs.  I haven't tried on every single pair yet, but I have found exactly two pairs that fit something like normally.  They are both, however, short in the inseam and should only be worn with flats...so rainy/snowy weather isn't ideal for them.  So perhaps those will be spring pants.  Or I'll just not be able to wear those ones, ever.  I'll lose weight right past them.

This pant crisis is kind of a surprise for me.  Of course, I know I'm losing weight, because I weigh myself obsessively and count calories every single day and work out 3-5 days a week.  So, herp-a-durr, I'm going to lose weight and thusly go down in size.  The surprising part was that the pants thing kind of happened all at once.  I was fitting into pants last week that are now humorously large.  Even now, I'm wearing a pair of 16 jeans from The Gap (a store I almost never visit, but they had a great online sale and I was already buying Old Navy stuff anyway...you get the idea).  These jeans fit me almost perfectly back when I got them last August; maybe I would wear a belt, but my waist is always too small for the pants that fit my hips/thighs, so that's standard.  I loved these pants and even wore them when it was still too hot to wear pants.  They were my go-to pants, especially because they looked more like blue trousers than jeans, so I didn't feel too scrubby wearing them to work.

Now I'm wearing them and they are belted so severely that the top is crinkled like bacon.  The back looks the most impressive.  The belt is trying to follow the curve of my waist while the pants are trying to go as low as possible.  The belt is above the pants on either side of the center back beltloop, only being tamed by that single loop.  It looks like my pants and belt are fighting.  No, that's not strong enough.  It looks like there is a decades-old gang war between the Parkway Pantz and the Belt Boyz.  It's actually pretty uncomfortable, and I'll be happy to get into my comfy-but-rather-revealing compression pants at the gym.

This is pretty lame, even by First World Problem standards.  Not fitting into my dozens of pairs of pants because I am intentionally denying myself food in order to change my body size...well, there's not much to wail about there.  In fact, as I was frantically trying to find a pair I could wear today, I couldn't help but laugh (like, actually aloud) at my predicament.  What an awesome problem to have.

Tomorrow?  CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!  I mean...TRY ON ALL THE PANTS!  If none of them really fit, I can just wear skirts, dresses, and leggings until my two new Old Navy jeans arrive next week.  I'm going to enjoy being a 14.  That is, until I'm a 12.  Suck it, plus sizes.